Guide Me Momma

 I know we have talked at the cemetery a few times. But this time I thought it was best to write things down. Bethany upset me in more ways than one. She was very narcissistic and clearly doesn't respect anyone older than her. 

In more ways than one she called me a bad parent / mom / daughter. I cannot forgive her for any of these. I cannot see when I will respect my sister or her ever again in the near future. I don't want to talk to them either. 

As petty as that might sound. It hurts my soul at the words she stirred up and I'm done. I do everything I can do to protect Kayleigh and Dad. I will be damned if I'm going to mess up my own mental health. I'm just done with them. I want nothing to do with them. I read the conversation to Dad. That's how much it hurt me. I wanted him to hear what she was saying an what I responded back to. I'm so angry right now Mom, and I'm trying to keep it together. I shouldn't have said anything at all the first time, because we all know she has to have the last word... so she spewed off venomous things that hurt more. And I left the group chat and did not respond again when I wanted to. 

I'm not going to the Father's Day dinner at Sue's because Beth is going, they know I'm not going because I'm hurt. I don't want to be around her. If Nicole does a thing for Nick, I'm not going to that either. 

Christmas Eve, we'll see... it's months away but I'm hurt.... I don't recover from things that quickly. And I am definitely not hosting Thanksgiving or whatever for anyone but myself.

Kayleigh is doing as much as she can do. She's come a long way. To say you have concerns (Beth)... is just seriously wrong. I'm very hurt. I can play the victim here because I was. She's just a pathetic excuse for someone who thinks she knows it all. I will never, ever forgive her for her words.