Small Moments

 There are small little moments that I think back to myself and realize that I am happy I had small little moments with my mother. 

But those are the moments that hurt the most too. If you looked at the family as a whole, you'd see that my family (kids and husband) had my parents in their life every day. My sisters did not. So, while you get back to the daily days of your life. Ours is altered along with my dad's. I won't have my mom come over to get the kids off on the bus, I won't get to have a chat and coffee with my mom as she yells at Kay to wake up. 

I won't have her to go talk to when I feel like it, or just to see what's she's watching on TV. I won't get to ask for advice or just have her listen about my day. I won't have her to measure Kay for clothes or help me dye my hair when our hairdresser can't. I won't have her to talk about the garden, or about dad annoying her, or the hummingbirds. 

I won't have her go on car rides with me or drive me when I'm anxious. I miss her so much. I will miss her making me feel like I'm included. The holidays, the birthdays, everything. 

I'm the one that needs to hold everyone else up, but it's me, and my dad that are affected far worse than anyone else. Everyone else has regrets. We don't. We just lost those small moments with her that filled every day.